Ach So
I had a talk with a loved one. The main question: When we break up, where does the love go? She asked me what my own definition is, and I answered, truthfully, that infatuation is a result of signals our brain sent in response to a stimulation, releasing hormones. The interaction cultivates the string of signals, creating a sense of infatuation. The desire to see the person constantly. After a while, if not cultivated, it’ll die.
Now, commitment, that’s something else. It’s a conscious choice, based on a cost and benefit analysis, on whether or not we should stay in a relationship after infatuation’s passed. I don’t believe that we stay in love with one person for the rest of our lives. Relationships, like most things in life (if not all), need a lot of work.
I’m also a fervent believer that if we are not whole in ourselves, it would be unwise to be part of something else. My partner disagrees, fervently. My argument is that if we are not complete individually, we’d expect the person we are with to fill in the holes. And when they go, a part of us will too.
I fully realise I sound very unromantic. It’s either I am not, or I’m a very good liar (and mostly to myself).
And, after explaining bits and parts of my thoughts, the person I was talking to said that, although she loves me dearly, she would not want to date me. She says I’m much too rational and I would make her feel unneeded.
When I think about it, I don’t think I’d date me either. I think the overanalysing can be a bit much. Tee-hee.
